The Relationships That Matter To You Most
Well, I guess you could call this issue of the “Just For Guys” Newsletter the “relationship issue”… but this is no regular relationship issue!
We are NOT talking about finding the perfect gift for your honey… or the top 10 ways to say “I love you” with cute (read: nauseating!) ploys.
Instead, we’re talking about the relationship stuff that really matters… like how relationships can LITERALLY save your life.
… And how “smooth move” dating expertise can be transformed into the magic formula for finding the ultimate, perfect, long-lasting relationship with the woman you’ve been waiting for.
… And how your workouts will be MUCH more effective when you develop a close and personal relationship with, you got it, your personal trainer!
These are the relationship topics that matter most to guys like us, so let’s jump right in and start improving our most important relationships.
Of Happiness and Heart Attacks
— By Dr. Z, Naturopathic Physician
Everyone knows that too much cholesterol and high blood pressure can kill you.
Well, here’s something you probably didn’t know: loneliness, anger, and hostility can kill you too. Especially if you’re a man.
A recent study investigating the association between anger and hostility and coronary heart disease was published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology.
The study found that anger and hostility were associated with increased cardiovascular problems in healthy people. People who already had heart disease and were experiencing anger and hostility had increasingly poor prognoses.
And here’s the kicker: the harmful effects of anger and hostility were greater in men than women.
Don’t Get Mad — Get Healthy
If loneliness, anger, and hostility can kill you… can happiness save your life?
A similar study conducted by the same team examined the association between positive psychological well-being, and physical health and mortality.
The researchers found that positive psychological well-being, including such factors as optimism, humor, and joy, was significantly associated with reduced cardiovascular mortality in healthy population studies, and with reduced death rates in patients with renal failure and HIV/AIDS.
Optimism, humor, and joy SIGNIFICANTLY reduced the incidence of people dying of cardiovascular problems — like heart attacks.
Survival of the Gushiest
All this is old news to Dr. Dean Ornish, M.D., well known as the doctor who has researched and publicized natural ways to prevent and reverse heart disease for the past 30 years.
The author of several best-selling books, including “Love and Survival,” Dr. Ornish is now Clinical Professor of Medicine at the University of California and also leads the Preventive Medicine Research Institute in Sausalito, California.
Dr. Ornish maintains that our good health — and our bad health — depends upon the amount of love and intimacy in our lives.
In fact, he believes that our very survival depends upon the healing power of love, intimacy, and relationships. We need the healing power of love and intimacy physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We need it as individuals and as communities. We may even require it as a species.
A Sweeter Pill to Swallow
It’s a wonderful revelation to learn that love, intimacy, optimism, humor, and joy really CAN improve not only our lives, but our heart health and longevity too.
Unfortunately, these loving antidotes to anger and hostility may not appeal to those who need it most until they are literally on their death beds.
Not to mention that doctors don’t usually hand out prescriptions for love and intimacy. Not unless you happen to date one, that is!
It’s time for men of our generation to stop and think about our angry fathers who died of heart attacks… our hostile grandfathers who battled heart disease… and all the men we know who shunned love and intimacy in favor of an unhealthy, unhappy existence.
After all, a more positive, more loving outlook on life will not only make you healthier — it’s guaranteed to make you a whole lot happier, too.
So pass me that steak, darling, and kiss me.
Expert Advice for the Relationship-Minded Man
I spend almost all of my time writing articles and teaching guys like you how to attract women.
Some guys want to attract lots of women and have multiple “date nights” with different ladies each week. Others want to get more serious about finding that perfect woman for a committed, long-lasting relationship.
Below are two questions I’ve recently been asked by my readers — guys who want to move from the “dating scene” to the “marriage and kids” scene, or at least want to know how to attract women in a real, sustainable way… so that the initial attraction doesn’t just “fizzle out” when the night is over.
Question: How do I go from having lots of dates to finding that “one special person”?
I actually have no trouble getting dates. I’m 39, good looking, talented (musician), athletic (marathon runner), and have had four long-term relationships in the last 17 years — and many trysts in between!
I guess you could say I’m the “rock-n-roll” kind of guy… but these days I very much want to be the “marriage and kids” guy. Now, if a girl comes along who I want to sleep with, but she’s not “marriage material,” I’ll still have my fun — but I am more interested in settling down at this point.
But I just can’t seem to meet the “right” girl for me! Any advice for the aspiring “marriage and kids” type?
Answer: Create an action plan to attract the RIGHT woman!
Thanks for the great question! Sounds like you’ve got a lot of great things happening in your life. What you’re dealing with is actually not an attraction issue; it’s a time management issue.
Let me explain…
If you’re ready to make the transition from a “rock-n-roll guy” to a “marriage and kids guy,” (and you’ve carefully thought this out), then you need to sit down and come up with a very detailed description of your ideal wife.
Get out a pen and a piece of paper, and write down everything you want in her, and then everything you don’t want. Be as specific as possible.
Then, make a list of where a woman with those characteristics would be most likely to spend her time. After you have that list (and I imagine the corner bar is probably not on it), you need to spend your time in as many of those places as possible, deploying your attraction skills, always looking to disqualify quickly.
This will increase the probability of attracting the right woman in the shortest amount of time possible. It’s a process any man can use — obviously the specifics will be different for each guy, but the process is exactly the same.
Question: I want to attract more women… but I still want to be a nice guy!
Is there any difference between using your confident, forthright attraction techniques… and being a “jerk”? How do you attract women WITHOUT being a jerk?
Question: Learn how to create sustainable attraction that lasts beyond the initial spark
This is actually a question I get a lot. The answer is: yes, there’s a huge difference.
You see, jerks inadvertently create initial attraction because they’re very “in the moment,” unpredictable, and can be fun and exciting for women to hang out with.
The problem is, most jerks don’t like women, have no self control in any aspect of their lives, and can be downright mean. Jerks create initial attraction, but they can never sustain it — most of them have a string of failed relationships or a lot of women in their lives who they’ve truly hurt.
The key is to “unbundle” the behavior that creates attraction from the dysfunction. That’s what a truly attractive man does. A man like this genuinely likes women, is in control of the situation and environment, and exhibits true personal authority — something no jerk has.
A truly attractive man provides a feeling of security and protection for women, which is why he can sustain attraction, whereas a jerk cannot.
Develop a Long-lasting Relationship with Your Personal Trainer!
— By Mike Wonnacott
We all know that when you’re ready to get serious about getting in shape or building more muscle, you need a plan…
But that doesn’t simply mean a list of how many hours you’ll spend in the gym, and how many reps you’ll push through.
It’s important that you begin — or ramp up — your fitness regime from a place of awareness and knowledge. You’re going to get a lot further with your program if you truly understand how your body is functioning right now, how much fat and muscle you’re beginning with, what your food intake really looks like… and more.
That’s why I highly recommend that you kick off your new program by getting to know a personal trainer at your local gym.
Get Personal With Your Personal Trainer!
Almost every gym has trainers available for personal consultations. Take advantage of this opportunity!
A personal trainer will help you determine:
- Your current strengths and weaknesses — This will help you determine how to design the best fitness program to meet your goals.
- Areas of potential injury — You’ll need to tailor your program around any problems like a history of back or knee injuries.
- Your current fitness level — This will help you establish appropriate length and intensity of your workouts, and give you a point of comparison for future improvements.
- Appropriate goals — Your trainer will help you establish realistic short, intermediate, and long-term goals.
One of the most important components of your consultation will be your body composition testing. Let’s take a moment to discuss this in more detail…
What Are You Composed Of?
It’s important to kick off your new fitness plan with a body composition test and a cardio test. A body composition test will tell you the percentage of body fat you currently have.
The typical, healthy body composition for a man in his thirties is between 8% and 19% body fat. A man in his forties or fifties should fall between 11% and 22% body fat. An athlete or body builder may have a lower body fat percentage.
This is a pretty wide range and allows for different body types, hereditary factors, and activity levels. Find out how much body fat you currently carry and then discuss with your trainer what would be an ideal body composition for you.
At this point you should also be doing a cardio test to determine your cardiovascular fitness level. Your trainer will likely sit you on an exercise bike and monitor your heart rate while you speed up and slow down your activity. This will help determine your body’s ability to utilize oxygen for energy, among other things.
Whether your goal is to lose fat, gain muscle mass, improve athletic performance, or maintain a healthy balance, knowing your body composition and cardiovascular fitness level will be essential in helping you set and achieve your goals.
You Are What You Eat
Some trainers also have expertise in diet programs to help you achieve your goals. If your gym can provide the diet and nutrition advice you need, then you might as well get all your information from one source.
However, if your trainer doesn’t specialize in diet and nutrition information, then I strongly urge you to visit a dietician.
Give your trainer or dietician a thorough breakdown of your dietary habits and your average caloric intake in a given day. The best way to get an accurate picture of your food intake is to keep a journal for at least a week, and write down each and every thing that goes in your mouth!
Your dietician will also take into consideration such things as food allergies, medications you are taking, and numerous other factors. Based on these criteria and your fitness goals, your dietician will recommend an appropriate diet that will help you achieve your goals in a safe, non-drastic approach.
Together with your trainer or dietician, you can determine how many calories you will need in a day for your new fitness program.
Start by determining your “basal metabolic rate” — this is the minimum number of calories your body needs at rest. About 60% to 70% of your caloric requirements go toward things like heart beat, breathing, body temperature, etc.
Then, of course, the more exercise you do, the more calories you burn. You’ll need to decide whether you want to gain, lose, or maintain your weight, before determining what your caloric intake should be.
And don’t forget… you’ll need extra calories to build muscle, but fewer calories to lose fat! It’s a balancing act to be sure, and finding the right caloric intake for you might take a bit of tweaking.
The Importance of a Health Assessment
Last but not least… don’t forget to get a proper health assessment from your doctor. This is a step that everybody wants to skip, but it’s extremely important to both the success of your fitness plan and your overall health to have a proper assessment from your health care professional.
To determine your overall health, your doctor will likely conduct a combination of interview and physical examination. The physical exam may cover such areas as:
- Body Mass Index (BMI)
- Blood pressure
- Cholesterol levels
The medical interview may cover such topics as:
- Personal and family medical history (heart disease, high blood pressure, obesity, diabetes, cancers, etc.)
- Diet composition (do you eat your fruits and vegetables?)
- Tobacco use
- Exercise levels
Make sure you understand the results of your health assessment and talk over any issues or warning flags with your trainer and nutritionist.
Keep the Relationship Alive!
By taking the time and effort to seek out this advice from respected, trained professionals before you begin your fitness regime, you will make achieving your goals that much easier.
But don’t stop after your first round of fitness consultations and health assessments!
By maintaining your relationship with your personal trainer, you’ll continue to improve your fitness levels and see better and better results.
You’ll want to check in on your body composition every six weeks or so. This will allow you to monitor your progress, adjust your caloric intake if necessary, and tweak your fitness program to continue on the path to your ultimate goals.
It’s important that you “shake up” your workouts regularly so that your muscles don’t get used to doing the same routine — and get lazy. You need to continually “shock” your muscles to keep them working at peak performance, and with peak results. Use these six-week intervals to develop new and different challenges in your fitness program.
And don’t forget about that health assessment! Get in the habit of having a yearly physical with your doctor, and make sure to discuss any changes in your personal and family health at this time.
“Just For Guys” Fun Fact…
Less than 1% of heart attacks occur
during sexual activity.
See You Next Time!
I think you’ll agree that you’ll never look at your relationships the same way again!
Here’s hoping this newsletter helps you to take Dr. Z’s advice and become a happier, healthier person… And follow our dating experts techniques if you want to find that special person to develop a meaningful relationship with.
And don’t forget to get personal with your personal trainer! This is one relationship that you definitely won’t regret!
And remember: If you have questions for our experts or any topics you want to see covered in upcoming issues of the “Just For Guys” newsletter, visit us at www.JustForGuys.com and let us know.
Or you can contact us any time at firstname.lastname@example.org and we’ll be happy to answer any questions you may have.
To better living,Craig JacksonEditor, JUSTFORGUYS.COM